No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
