He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
