I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize