I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
