the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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