Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
