I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
