and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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