I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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