I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
