I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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