He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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