Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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