Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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