guys are not supposed to queef...right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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