i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
