i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
