just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im on a boat
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