I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
