I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
