you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
