im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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