I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
