Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
