Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
