I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize