Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
