So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
