I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize