The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
