We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
