I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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