so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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