I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
