If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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