so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
