guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
