So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
