please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
