remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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