Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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