I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
