its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
