how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
