Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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