I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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