Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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