Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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