He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
