I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
