You just made me feel so damn special
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
