Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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