I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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