why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
