got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
