Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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