I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
