upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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