It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
