Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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