Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
