Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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