you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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