I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
