5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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