forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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