96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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