I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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