I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
