peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
