god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
