True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize