I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
