Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
